Three weeks...

that's how long its been since I guess I had anything to say. It's been rough. My wife has a second job that is zapping our time together and leaving me with my sons morning, noon and night. So needless to say freetime has been at a premium. Got one at my feet and the other is napping so I thought I'd take a moment and post something.

I've started writing my book. I'm a hack writer with a ton of desire and no time to make it happen. I'm not going to tip you off to the plotline, but its something that I have a lot of passion for, so I hope that'll keep me motivated.

Not much going on in this neck of the woods. I don't have time for any of the things that I like to do, but if you're a stay at home dad that means one thing, housework and tons of it.

That being said, the towels are not going to clean themselves.

Peace out.

The Quest For Time

I've found myself exhausted. It happens from time to time. It's not the kind of exhausted that comes from having two kids, though they have been waking up more and more frequently as of late. I'm exhausted because of my own needs.

I don't let my own needs get in the way of my life too often. I know my wife and my kids need me, so more times than not I simply put aside what I want to do and do what needs to be done.

I haven't been able to do that lately.

What I have been doing is staying up too late, far after the rest of the family has gone to bed for the night. I know many people search for time for themselves, and that's what I've been doing. I go out of my way to make sure that I have some time for myself. It's difficult, and here it is almost noon, and I can barely keep my eyes open.

I'm not a kid anymore. I used to be able to survive on very little sleep. 30 is coming and I feel it like a freight train running through my head. I've never felt old before. I've found that continuing to do the things that I did as a younger man I could hold off feeling too much like an adult.

It's starting to manifest itself in my state of being and my state of mind. I'm tired. But, I soldier on.

Take time for yourself. There is only one person in the world that can make you happy and that's you. Try it.

I don't really have anything else to say other than my Bengals are now 4-0 and play in primetime this weekend, so all is right with the world.

I'll survive.

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never make it out alive.

Can I Shop For You?

I've got to put this out there for everyone to read. I love the Cincinnati Bengals. Have since I was a child. I've had their logo tattooed on my leg for almost 8 years. I love them. I love everything about them. I was ridiculed for most of the last 15 years because my beloved team was one of the losingest teams in all of sports. That all is changing. We're 3-0 and have a great shot at being 4-0 this week. Times are good for me and my team.

Now that I have that off my chest I'll get into the meat and potatoes of the matter. What is that? I'm not too sure yet. Kinda just lietting the old mind wander to and fro and we'll see what happens.

I work in a retail pharmacy. That means dealing with retail customers. What in the hell is up with people calling a store to see if they have something and how much it cost. Isn't that the definition of shopping? Why am I doing your shopping for you? When I say I work in a pharmacy, I mean I work IN the pharmacy, behind closed and locked doors. How would I know how much Safeguard soap is and how big a package it comes in? I wouldn't, and I don't.

But, I put on the customer service face and put them on hold and go out and have a look. I make sure I leave them on hold long enough to know that they are inconviencing me, and go hunting the shelf outside of my own department for some stupid soap. Yes we have it, and its cheap. You're dragging me out of the pharmacy to go see if we have two dollar soap. Is it laziness, or do people really think it is within their rights to have low paid associates do your shopping for you before you even get to the store?

Then they get to the store, a store with signs above every aisle saying what is in that aisle and ask where everything is. Sometimes I get smart and when they ask where the Band-Aids are, I say see that sign that says Band-Aids, there you go. But, even then people come back and want to have it pointed out to them. I hate shopping for people.

Working in a pharmacy on the weekend is like working in an information kioske. We're one of the few departments that is trapped in a little room, so people take advantage of you.

Anywho, its not that maddening, but it is agravating.

After you read this, go outside, fall and coild weather is coming. There aren't too many warm days left.

Go.

Enjoy.

Blogging is Ridiculous

It's funny how little you find yourself having to write about. I mean, for the love of all that's good and holy, I've seen people's profiles that have made over a thousand posts. What in the blue hell are you doing, making a new post for every single thought that crosses your mind?

Blogging surely is the end of the internet. I call it the diahhrea of cyberspace. It's the computer equivalant to reality TV. It's "real" people putting up whatever crosses their minds. Am I biting the hand that feeds me, sadly no. The more you conplain, the more olikely some schmuck is to pass it to their friend. I don't mean to say that if you read blogs you're a schmuck, but you can always safely assume that half of everyone you've ever met is a schmuck. Even if that estimate is a little low, you stay on the safe side. And many of those schmucks email me crap they think is cool or funny or inspirational.

It's not.

This isn't.

This is me chastizing myself for thinking that what I have to say is cool, funny or inspirational. The simple truth is that I don't have a hell of a lot to say at all as evidenced by the fact that no one is reading it.

Why am I doing it?!?!

I have no idea.

But, if you came to my site and are reading this, remember, I don't have anything more interesting to cover than any one else. It's sad. But, it makes me as entertaining as Oprah. Now, get off the computer and go read a book, you'll burn your eyes out reading this screen.

Go.

Now.

My kids, my life...

I'm not really sure what the standard is for posting posts in the ole blog. I'm a newblogger, so I thought I'd write a little something about my kids today.

For those of you with kids you know what I'm talking about. It's a miracle how fast these little lumps of skin turn into little people. My oldest son, Cooper will turn two in November and he has so much to offer. He's got so much depth of emotion and such a deep understanding of the world. He knows what he likes and what he doesn't like and an uncanny ability to con my wife and his grandparents to get what he wants. I'm with him everyday, so it takes a little more than he has to put one over on his old man :).

My youngest son learned to crawl a few days ago. He's already able to pul himself up on things. I forgot how fast babies learn new tricks. He crawls all over me and pulls himself up on my arm. Soon, he'll take those unsteady first steps and my life will get a whole lot harder.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that children are amazing. I'm not so stilted as to think my children are unlike everyone else's. I can see now why they say its important to teach your children as much as possible at a young age because they pick everything up. I've stopped cursing around them, because, though it hasn't happened yet, I know they could pick that up and offend some little old lady at church.

If you have children, watch them, not just to keep them out of trouble but also see how they figure out the world. It's a true wonder. Love them. Let them make mistakes, but keep them safe.

Lastly, learn from them.

My First Blog Experience.

Hi, just to get things started. My name is Logjam, or Bryan as my friends call me. I was interested in starting a blog because I'm a frustrated writer and a stay at home dad. That's deadly combination. All the time in the world, and a massive case of writer's block is a horrific state of affairs. In fact, my internet pseudonym, Logjam is a direct result of nearly two years of frustration and pain as I try to get a novel out of my mind.

I've got all these great ideas just building up in my head, but when I get to start typing them down I get about 5 to 10 pages, and I'm done. I can't even begin to tell you how craptifyingly sad the entire state of affairs is.

Anywho, a little about myself. I'm a fledgling graphic artist with some work out on the net. if you see somewhat interesting, possibly offensive, and generally average artwork out there, think of me. That's what I've got. I've got two young sons, Cooper and Keaton, and they keep me busy enough I guess.

My wife and I both have college degrees, so I'm not just some schlep with no job. She just choose a field with a lot more earning potential and when we talked about having kids, we decided that I would stay at home with them, and she would earn the bread.

That's not wholly a bad thing, except that it gives people one of two preconceived notions about me, a.) I'm lazy or b.) I'm unemployable. Both have bits of truth, but the real thruth is I love my kids. I don't want to give the duty of raising them to someone else so that I can work at a job where I turn around and give all the money to a daycare. This isn't to say two working parents are going to turn your kids into monsters. Daycare is a blessing for a lot of families. But, my wife and I decided that we'd keep our monsters to ourselves. It works out nicely for us.

Plus, I've got the next great American novel to write...

To check out my sense of humor check out my website www.logjamlimited.com, it's chocked full of weird, funny, crude and thought provoking garbage all of my own creation.